I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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