Where did you get a picture of my penis
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize