Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
