My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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