We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
