Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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