hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
