My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
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I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
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Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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