Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
