508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You can't just leave with hair like that
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Randomize
