Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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