Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
