dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
