Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just cut my nipple shaving
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
