Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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