just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
