I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
