I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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