Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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