this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
