I've blown a few things in my day
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
