Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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