Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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