I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
