You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
