She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
