I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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