my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
