I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
