i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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