sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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