hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you would pick up someone in the library
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
