y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
