the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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