I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
