haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
