let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
