Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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