Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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