Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
