Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
