i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
