I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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