every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
