Kiss
Puke
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
