she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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