He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There's always time for handjobs
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
