Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
