Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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