We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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