Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my shit smells like andre
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i drank out of a bidet.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
is that a dick in a sweater?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
