it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
