New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
