one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
