i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize