dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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