I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
