Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
