I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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