I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
