We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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