she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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