alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
