My room smells like vodka and shame
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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