he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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