so that wasnt chicken after all
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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