I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
