"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
