making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
