Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?