If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
