as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
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He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
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I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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