So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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