imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He shit in the fireplace
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
do nipples grow back?
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