I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We need to rekindle our bromance
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
