This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
